Christmas Past

Well, the Christmas Holidays have passed uneventfully in the town of Misconception Bay. In the center of town, the star on top of the cedar hedge was askew for the whole season. People figured that the star should stay that way for religious reasons; since Reverend Arnold was involved in making the star go off kilter.

Next door to the Fire Hall, Dave Smith-White had set up his reindeer traps again. Dave decided a few years back to hyphenate his name so as to keep his mother’s name. In doing this honour to his mother, Dave’s neighbour James, thought that he would take on his own mother’s name, so James had his name legally changed from James Follie to Madge Follie. Last year Madge, who at that time was still James, pointed out to Dave that his reindeer traps would not work. Mainly because everybody knows that reindeer fly and that Burmese tiger pits dug into the ground will have no effect on animals that fly and land on roofs. So this year Dave decided that he would string fishing net across his front yard in hopes that this will snare his quarry. Well much to Dave’s dismay he didn’t catch anything, but he did notice that there was some hoof marks on the ground where his Burmese tiger pits would have been.

Down the street from Dave Smith-White and Madge Follie is the church recreation hall. As recent tradition dictates, there was a fiery argument going on in the hall. The battle lines were drawn up between those who believe that Santa Claus arrives in a sled pulled by eight reindeer, and those who believe that he does not use a sled but in actual fact that he travels in a golden dory. A splinter group to the golden dory faction believes that the person who arrives in the golden dory is not named Santa, and he does not dress in a fur lined red suit, and he does not say <@145>Ho ho ho’, but rather is somebody by the name of Bob Andrews who wears a sou’wester, a slicker and gum rubbers and says <@147>Hey b’ys, merry ho ho, eh?<@148> A further splinter from this group is yet another group, well actually one person with a very loud voice, who knows for a fact that reindeer can not fly. Therefore, Bob Andrews can not arrive in a golden dory pulled by eight reindeer, but rather comes to town in a golden dory pulled by eight giant lobsters. Since nobody has ever seen who delivers the presents, this debate has never been resolved.

Across town, the Gerbil Lodge was decked out for the festive season. The charter members of the Gerbil Lodge wanted to give their lodge a manlier forceful animal name, like moose, elk, or bison. Unfortunately all of the larger animals were taken by other lodges and they were forced to take one of the only animals left. It’s not hard to spot a member who is going to some official Gerbil Lodge function, what with their distinctive bewhiskered head-gear and their secret greeting which consists of a peculiar stamping of feet. The members of the Gerbil Lodge mean well, but they don’t do a heck of a lot of anything. Their big party during the Holidays was at New Year’s Eve, or rather on the eve of the eve of New Year’s Eve. Judge Twiddleby, proudly announced this year that he had been doing some research and he had calculated that December should actually have only twenty-nine days as opposed to thirty-one. So the dutiful citizens of Misconception Bay struck off the last two days of December and rang in the New Year on the 29th. Strangely enough, this did not get the Town of Misconception Bay out of sync with the rest of the world. The judge took ill on the Misconception Bay New Year’s eve. Two days later he was well enough to get out of bed a flip the official town calendar to January. During the judge’s illness, the town’s folk of Misconception Bay were not sure how to write dates. December had only twenty-nine days, but according to the calendar it was not yet January. It was Mayor John Holler who came up with the solution that dates should be written as December 29+1 and December 29+1+1.

One of the more notable Christmas gifts this year; Jim Brown received a new oar, this oar replaces the one that he had lost two years ago. Jim figures that with this new oar he can get out to the fishing grounds a lot faster and he suspects that he won’t be as dizzy when he gets there.

Star Bright

It’s Christmas Eve in Misconception Bay. In the center of town, the bright shiny star that’s proudly placed every year on top of the cedar hedge is slightly askew. Normally the star sits perfectly straight but a recent event has placed it on its current position.

As most people know, Jim Brown has a nightly custom of “watering the plants” after visiting the Squid Jigger Cafe and NightClub, but tonight he was interrupted by a group of young boys having a snowball fight. Actually, to call it a snowball fight would not be the proper term; the boys really weren’t fighting, and it wasn’t exactly snow that went into the making of their projectiles. No, this was more of a ruckus, and the balls were made out of a secret combination of snow, ice and slush. Every boy knows the secret: ice to give it sting, snow to hold it together, and slush to give it weight and if you happened to miss your target the slush would give you a certain margin of error. If you happened to hit a telephone pole or a wall close to your target, and if you had combined the ingredients just right, the ice-snow-slush ball should explode on impact and shower your victim.

It was these boys who had interrupted Jim Brown while he was in his gardening process. Jim’s getting on in years, but he still doesn’t quite have the knack of the proper usage of zippers on men’s pants. While Jim had his pants to his boots, Tommy Misgivens ducked behind the hedge to avoid an ice-snow-slush ball aimed in his direction. The sudden appearance of Tommy startled Jim, which made Jim lose his concentration on what he was doing. Not liking to be interrupted, Jim chased Tommy from behind the hedge.

Now where Jim and Tommy were was fairly concealed by the base of the statue of Rug Holler, who was the founder of Misconception Bay. Jim and Tommy’s concealment changed when Jim chased Tommy from behind the hedge. For Tommy, the ordeal was not all that traumatic. Tommy ran from behind the cedar hedge while Jim followed yelling “Come back here you varmint!”

This ordeal, however, was hardest on Jim; for just as he was coming from behind the hedge, Reverend and Mrs. Arnold were passing in front of the hedge. Jim at the best of times does not have a full grasp of reality. You could say that his dory has sprung a leak and he forgot to bring a bailer. A man with a very little attention span, while chasing Tommy from behind the hedge, Jim forgot that his pants were still down to his boots. This did make running a little difficult for Jim, but the real embarrassment came when he ran into the Reverend and his wife.

Jim stopped in front of the Arnolds, oblivious to the fact that his pants were still down to his gum rubbers. Oblivious that is, until one of the boys, who were standing around watching the display, realised that the snow-ice-slush ball that he was still holding was starting to get too cold for him to keep on holding. So he decided to get rid of it. Looking around, he spied the perfect target. The boy took aim and let fly; the snow-ice-slush ball flew a perfect course and hit the target squarely; the target being Jim’s exposed left cheek. Jim jumped with a start, looked down and gulped to see exactly where his pants were. He quickly grabbed and pulled his pants up, only to find that most of the snow-ice-slush ball had landed inside of his pants. Jim made another gulp and pulled his pants down again, once more exposing himself to the Reverend and Mrs. Arnold.

Jim was by now in an absolute confused state. He knew that he had to pull up his pants, but he also knew what was waiting for him in his pants. He looked down at his pants and then up to the Arnolds, back down to his pants and then to the Arnolds. Mrs. Arnold by this time had politely turned away, but Reverend Arnold was still fully facing Jim. Reverend Arnold cleared his throat, looked Jim in the face then down to Jim’s pants and then back to his face. Not knowing what to do Jim left his pants where they were and ran off down the street.

Just as Reverend Arnold turned to leave, Bobby Jones let loose his projectile at the Reverend. Unfortunately, Bobby’s mother insisted that the boy wear woolen mittens. Now, every boy knows that you can not properly throw a snowball while wearing woolen mittens, because the snowball will stick to the mitten and your shot could be ruined. Well, that is exactly what happened; the snow-ice-slush ball that Bobby was holding had become partially stuck to his woolen mitten. When Bobby made the throw, the snow-ice-slush ball held for a split-second to his mitten; that split-second was just enough time for the ball to go in the wrong direction. Missing its intended target by just a fraction, the ball made a square hit on an unintended object the cedar hedge star.

That is how the star, that was so proudly placed on the cedar hedge in the center of the town of Misconception Bay, became askew on Christmas Eve.

How it all began

Misconception Bay started back in the 1991, back then I was working Technical Support for Alias Reseach. At times the night shift was rather slow so to wile away the time I would write some short stories. The stories evolved into a little fishing town called Misconception Bay, somewhere on the East Coast of Canada. The stories started off as short but over time they grew in length. I wrote 27 stories over the next 5 or 6 years but I have not written anything since 1999. I will probably try to do some more writing going forward.

But for now let's start at the very beginning ~ I have heard that a very good place to start.

And so it begins

Welcome to Misconception Bay! Welcome to the fishing town somewhere on the East Coast of Canada.