April, yoo hoo, April!

April, it’s your Gram-gram. I have been trying to call you but you are never home. You are spending all of your time over in Passamaquoddy. Oh April how I wish you weren’t spending so much time over there. What will the neighbors think? My second husband Edgar always sounded like he had rocks in his mouth. Passmaquody reminds me something he would say at the dinner table, “Passa ma potatoes, passa ma bread, Passamaquody.” You never met Edgar; he was a hairy little man. If he wasn’t wearing his glasses you wouldn’t know which way he was facing. He was so hairy that one night the dog jumped into bed with us. I thought Edgar was just trying to get frisky, I should have known better; the dog had far better breath.

Oh April, I have been so lonely lately. But it’s okay; tonight I have a few friends with me, Captain Morgan, Jim Beam and Jack Daniels. I think later on José Cuervo might be stopping by. I do so miss you coming over and doing your fish bone art as we chat about your day, or when I tell you stories about my days on the boat The Tramp Steamer – well that’s what the girls and I called it. The uhmmm...gentlemen who came calling had a different name for the boat.

Do you really need to spend so much time over at Passamaquoddy? You know how we in Misconception Bay feel about that place. It’s not because they have that theme park, we aren’t jealous. We have our own perfectly good water slide park. Well, it will be after Mayor Hollar approves the upgrades. They plan on replacing the rock that we have been using as a slide with a six foot slide from WaleyeMart.

I must admit I was over at Passamaquody once and rode It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World of Singing Children. I got stuck on the ride in the Chum World section. My boat was stuck between the singing kid grinding up fish and the singing kid chumming the water. Let me tell you, after 30 minutes I threw my own chum into the water. I swear that those are real children and not dolls. I believe I saw a couple of them shivering in the North Atlantic Squall world and I think I saw a couple more sneeze.

Well April, I don’t expect you to answer me, I know how “busy” you are, but don’t worry about me I’ll be fine.

Oh look, José just got here and he brought his friend Glenfiddich.

Hugs and kisses
Gram-gram