Christmas Past

Well, the Christmas Holidays have passed uneventfully in the town of Misconception Bay. In the center of town, the star on top of the cedar hedge was askew for the whole season. People figured that the star should stay that way for religious reasons; since Reverend Arnold was involved in making the star go off kilter.

Next door to the Fire Hall, Dave Smith-White had set up his reindeer traps again. Dave decided a few years back to hyphenate his name so as to keep his mother’s name. In doing this honour to his mother, Dave’s neighbour James, thought that he would take on his own mother’s name, so James had his name legally changed from James Follie to Madge Follie. Last year Madge, who at that time was still James, pointed out to Dave that his reindeer traps would not work. Mainly because everybody knows that reindeer fly and that Burmese tiger pits dug into the ground will have no effect on animals that fly and land on roofs. So this year Dave decided that he would string fishing net across his front yard in hopes that this will snare his quarry. Well much to Dave’s dismay he didn’t catch anything, but he did notice that there was some hoof marks on the ground where his Burmese tiger pits would have been.

Down the street from Dave Smith-White and Madge Follie is the church recreation hall. As recent tradition dictates, there was a fiery argument going on in the hall. The battle lines were drawn up between those who believe that Santa Claus arrives in a sled pulled by eight reindeer, and those who believe that he does not use a sled but in actual fact that he travels in a golden dory. A splinter group to the golden dory faction believes that the person who arrives in the golden dory is not named Santa, and he does not dress in a fur lined red suit, and he does not say <@145>Ho ho ho’, but rather is somebody by the name of Bob Andrews who wears a sou’wester, a slicker and gum rubbers and says <@147>Hey b’ys, merry ho ho, eh?<@148> A further splinter from this group is yet another group, well actually one person with a very loud voice, who knows for a fact that reindeer can not fly. Therefore, Bob Andrews can not arrive in a golden dory pulled by eight reindeer, but rather comes to town in a golden dory pulled by eight giant lobsters. Since nobody has ever seen who delivers the presents, this debate has never been resolved.

Across town, the Gerbil Lodge was decked out for the festive season. The charter members of the Gerbil Lodge wanted to give their lodge a manlier forceful animal name, like moose, elk, or bison. Unfortunately all of the larger animals were taken by other lodges and they were forced to take one of the only animals left. It’s not hard to spot a member who is going to some official Gerbil Lodge function, what with their distinctive bewhiskered head-gear and their secret greeting which consists of a peculiar stamping of feet. The members of the Gerbil Lodge mean well, but they don’t do a heck of a lot of anything. Their big party during the Holidays was at New Year’s Eve, or rather on the eve of the eve of New Year’s Eve. Judge Twiddleby, proudly announced this year that he had been doing some research and he had calculated that December should actually have only twenty-nine days as opposed to thirty-one. So the dutiful citizens of Misconception Bay struck off the last two days of December and rang in the New Year on the 29th. Strangely enough, this did not get the Town of Misconception Bay out of sync with the rest of the world. The judge took ill on the Misconception Bay New Year’s eve. Two days later he was well enough to get out of bed a flip the official town calendar to January. During the judge’s illness, the town’s folk of Misconception Bay were not sure how to write dates. December had only twenty-nine days, but according to the calendar it was not yet January. It was Mayor John Holler who came up with the solution that dates should be written as December 29+1 and December 29+1+1.

One of the more notable Christmas gifts this year; Jim Brown received a new oar, this oar replaces the one that he had lost two years ago. Jim figures that with this new oar he can get out to the fishing grounds a lot faster and he suspects that he won’t be as dizzy when he gets there.